House Call

Police Scotland would call it Proactive Policing.  I call it making a big deal out of nothing.

When it comes to football someone within the bowels of Police Scotland has hit on a winning formula. 

First thing to do is stoke up a bit of panic.  The beautifully contridiction of terms “Police Inteligence” suggests “trouble ahead!” Pre-empting, predicticting and  panicking the PUBLIC. 

Second, reassure and refrain.  Make sure that the public can be calm safe in the knowledge that the thin blue line is Enforcing the law and keeping the bad bogie men away from anywhere they could cause any problems.

Third is a double route. If as usually happens no trouble occurs and you get a barage of complaints about heavy handed policing. Well you refer the public to step one. The unprovable, unpublished evidence of intelligence reports. Then congratulate yourselves for using the new powers and laws you confused Politicians into providing you with.

If there is any trouble then blame anything that does not wear blue, alcohol, football or absolutely everyone (apart from The police intelligence guys who spectacularly missed the point or the Police Management on the day). And demand more powers and funding from politicians.

I say this because with the prospect of the first Old Firm game 5 weekends into 2015 and the Auld Enemy freindly, the oxymorons at Police Scotland Football Inteligence Unit have been working overtime. Not since South Yorkshire Police Force following Hillsbourgh has a Police force been more imaginative and creative in it’s smoke and mirrors show. Sir Stephen House’s Police Scotland has became a poor version of the Met Office. Predicting Storms on nothing more than evidence of the cows sitting down in the fields that morning. The idiocy of suggesting that the league cup semi final gets played on a week night to avoid trouble sums up the imagination of Police Scotland. You could play a old firm game of tiddlywinks on a Rockall and fifteen thousand fans would buy tickets. If Police Scotland think that it’s kick off time that effects football crowds then it’s once again missed the point. Remember as recently as the Scotland Republic Of Ireland game on a Friday night there was issues. Police Scotland excuses “people turned up late”. As long as there has been any mass supported event people have turned up as close to kick off/curtain up. This is not the fabled police intelligence we are lead to trust more a example of Police forgetfulness.

Sir Stephen House has used football to push through laws often so badly written that they are not much better than useless. Strangely though these laws are not solely used to police soccer. A suripticious side effect is the vague laws pushed through to solve the latest Police Problem at Football are used against Joe Q Public walking down the street at 3am on a tuesday morning in July. When football is not even included in the events.

Is it too tiresome to expect Police Scotland to simply quietly do their job without heralding or over egging events in advance, becoming Krystalnicht Storm Troupers at the event and not publicaly congratulating themselves on a job well done (the applauding the Airline Pilot for landing syndrome) or moaning, blaming (before any court judgement), demanding more funding and powers.

And of course forgetting that they are there and paid to do a job. No one forces them and we the public thank them for being there but stop the cycle of spinning. The armed forces don’t make a big deal out of their work.

In years passed too many of today’s Senior Policemen watched Cagney and Lacey. Growing up watching The Bill they thought Police work was Glamourous dramatic and most crimes were solved within a Hour apart from the really tricky ones that justified a two part special! The second you attempt to justify armed officers wondering round a sleepy town like Inverness in the face of public opinion then you really have to find a mirror.

You know Statistically you are more likely NOT to be a victim of a crime than you are to actually be one. That’s a scarey fact isn’t it and you know that statistic has remained reletively constant from the days before Sir Robert Peel!

Sir Stephen and his cronies should simply shut up remember they are not Law Lords sitting in Court making Judgements passing Sentences. While they are at it maybe remembering that they are not Rosemary and Thyme, Inspector Morse or Jack Bauer, It’s time Police Scotland did what they are employed and paid at great cost to do. Police and uphold the law.